TV train wreck: “Expedition Africa”

Thank you, Mark Burnett. Not only did you give us “Survivor,” but now we have a second pile of crap to go with it. “Expedition Africa” follows the totally real-life journey of four “elite modern-day explorers” as they retrace Stanley Livingstone’s journey into the heart of Africa. And fight. Constantly. About everything.

Expedition Chill the Fuck Out

The first was between Pasquale, an expedition leader and Kevin, a journalist (his elite skill: typing articles on his MacBook) who could not agree on how much water to carry. Kevin won the argument (why?) and they ran out moments later. Everyone gets cranky. Mirayaeayeea, the wildlife expert (and sun-ins expert from the looks of it) got upset and started talking about Pasquale hurting her feelings. And then Benedicte (who either wants to bone her or cook her like his dog – yes, he revealed he ate his dog on a past expedition) decided to start getting pissy equal opportunity-style.

In one hour of TV, we watched a team of supposed gung-ho, capable adventurers turn bitchy, ornery and useless. Now, certainly, in the humidity, heat and fetid conditions of the mangrove stands of Tanzania, I’d have been a sniveling baby. However, I’m not exactly someone that would SIGN UP FOR THIS SHOW. So, I’m completely flabbergasted as to how these four dimwits are going to make it a thousand miles when their party has nearly devolved into chaos after only NINE.

Yes, thank you, Mark Burnett. So very much.

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