Pins & Needles
For awhile now I’ve been quietly dealing with a nihilistic quality in the very core of myself. Maybe I was consciously aware of its presence and maybe I wasn’t, at least not entirely. This little voice deep down inside has been there, always causing me to negate the value of things I really want to hold valuable. For example, I may think “Man, that is a truly beautiful Mercedes…the lines, the color, the presentation of the design language!” but my personal Nietzche will then counter with “Think of the resources depleted to build it and the money required to buy it…it’s destroying the world! How dare you care!” I get really, really excited about art and design and purpose-built beauty – but then find myself feeling guilty because of the impracticality of these things, or the attention they may draw away from what I perceive to be bigger concerns.
Of course, some things fall outside of this sphere. Love, friendship, family, humor, sadness, sex, achievement and learning are just a few “pure” elements that cannot fall victim to my analytical dissection. They do, though, occasionally get lost in the silt clouds as I muddy the waters with near-constant mental struggles.
How sad, right? How utterly ridiculous…how arrogant to think that it’s my sworn duty to worry about “the BIG picture” at all times.
Well, enough is enough. I can’t be rid of my nihilism – indeed, I think it’s probably one of my most important characteristics, one that creates a tension that’s extraordinarily valuable for viewing my world – but I can decide that some things are worthy of passionate exploration, devotion and interest. I think I’m going to start listing these things as they come to me and I’m not going to allow myself to question them.
Today’s items that matter are:
- “the future” – as thought of by people who believe in rocket packs and jet cars
- German automobiles
- sustainability in the realm of the environment and the economy (not separable anyway)
- games
- the technology that confounds and defies what we expect – even when Apple is being evil
- the sense of calm that comes from cleaning my apartment
- a new pair of shoes
- traveling someplace new and exploring on foot, in no particular direction, just because I want to
- the first steps into a museum that I’ve never visited before
- painting, even when I’m crap at it
- listening to a new album and finding the hidden lyrical gems that will make me smile every time I hear them
- designing something that’s wholly mine – and being a pain in the ass to protect it
- spending the whole morning in bed and then eating a totally pancake-filled breakfast and drinking way too much coffee
- watching an Almodóvar film and marveling at the wicked plot twists and character quirks
- a straight row of just-planted grapes – or even a crooked one
Since I’m at work, I should probably stop and, you know…work. But, this list had to come out this morning while it was still fresh and felt important.
Frankly, I feel better already. 🙂